Shades of A.

You know i have a tendency to love fictional characters. So much that I actually put my own self in danger with my social surroundings.

I've been trying to preach like the billion dollar entrepreneur. It worked for a couple of days but the charm's wearing off. I tried to re-read the fantasy but I couldn't bring myself to it.

I need a new addiction but I can't get over CG. M.Boner's role of NC is rubbing off on me too but they're all just stories. I can't become a con artist, i'd have to be super smart and careful for that.

So, i finally created a second twitter account and i'm having fun expressing my feelings and love for CG, spazzing all over him like others do.

I had a talk with Him and it didn't turn out so good.

He's trying to suppress all feelings towards me. He doesn't want to feel for me because he claims that he "doesn't love himself enough to love others". It's eat pray love all over again. I was cool about it at first but after a few days had passed, was then that I realized I've done something. After all this talk about space and wanting some time off, I finally got it.

But why do I feel empty?

I miss him, that's for sure. But the most outrageous part is that....he doesn't miss me.

It's like I barely know him anymore, know what he wants and i'm back to that phase of being afraid to talk to him. Not that I'm afraid the conversation will turn out bad, but more afraid of his reaction.
What the fuck?

I wrote a story called "Betrayed" featuring protagonist, Rose Spencer and typical hot guys. I'm such a whiny, sad motherfucker who's full of herself. Nobody wants me. And I don't want anybody.


And at this point, I'm developing feelings for Men. Since the whole CG mania, I've been very much interested in men 27 and older. I feel hot when men check me out and i sort of give them a flirtatious smile. God I'm stupid.


I need to get rid of all this pessimism and just graduate. The United States awaits me.

Sigh, Seattle.

I'll be there, CG.

Waiting at your doorsteps at Escala.


Laters, baby.

x