One of those days again

Hey.

So I'm thinking of creating a new twitter because i have this habit of tweeting out my feelings whenever i'm mad at Him and his friends are following me. Plus, with Mark around, they think i'm cheating on him or something so yeah it's generally for the greater good.

I told Mark about how my "friends" are. Am i just really complaining? They always treat me like i'm some blonde girl. like how Hanan said she had issues with "Faith", hinting it was someone and i knew who it was but i gave different answers. He was like "Omg how can you not know this, you'd fail if this was a game show" OKAY i get it, stop rubbing it in my face.

Sometimes i feel like i'm an item of amusement around these people. They keep me around for their amusement and it sucks big time. I have a big ego, most definitely. But how do i survive on my own? where do i start? By making new friends and not introducing them to Him maybe? Read more? C'mon i'm really lazy to read.

Sometimes we have disagreements and i notice that he doesn't listen anymore. Like i told him not to give his "a world without islam" book to the guard but he didn't listen and gave it anyway. He just stopped listening and went according to what he feels is right. Sometimes i'd like to break away from him and just do what i think is good. Alone? Since i have no friends now. Yeah he scared all my friends away. Rauf has his girlfriend. Honestly i just need a new pact of friends. So badly. Sigh.

I'm going to become a 3rd year student soon in the long semester. Turning 22 next year. Is this what Life has to offer me or am i not trying my best? I KNOW i'm not trying my best just yet. Like in debate how i just don't try. I try but i look forward to losing so i don't have to go for the next day.
God please just GET RID of this laziness why am i so reluctant to do everything. I need my old spunk. My old me. My old daring side. Where did that go?? I'm improving on doing assignments on my own to only get a 20/30 but that was my own fault for not preparing earlier. That's what i get.

I so need to travel. I need to get away from these people. I'm even having doubts in my own "best friend" where i'm always an item of comparison. like leave me alone, thank you very much.
My parents.....as much as i feel sorry for dad, but i keep thinking about "hari raya" this year. About whether or not i should even say "maaf zahir dan batin" because i wouldn't mean what i say. Life, where are you headed?

I'm even lazy to apply for a scholarship because there's just too many stuff to read. I'M LAZY LAZY LAZY.


"Honey, it's not magic. Going there is not going to make you a different person"
-Grace's mom in Monte Carlo. omg FUCK all the mom's who are like this. unsupportive twats. YOUR LIFE ENDED DON'T RUIN OURS.