Scarred friendship.

Hey you.

Yeah you.

This is so awkward. To write a whole post about a person i once knew. Still know.

It's not that i don't want to be friends with you, i just don't want to repeat my past.

It's not you, it's the people around you. You have a common pattern of choosing your friends.
And i don't like them. Well, most of them.

The last 2 years of high school was a regret for me. I can't turn back time and do it all over again. I was just following this bitch's orders, K. i hate her. until today.
I can't stop saying how fat and ugly and big and did i meantion fat? she is.
Because i loathe her a lot. A LOT.

I'm trying to get past that. Grow out of it. I'm 20 now. I have to. I can't hold grudges anymore. Grudges are for children. But there's a difference between forgiveness and a second chance right?
Anyway, point is...i'd like to hang out and all. But i keep refusing to. I have to force myself to think negatively towards your outing habits because being friends with you would pull me back to my experienced nightmares.

What if i had gone to science stream?

What if i had forcused on music more than fitting in with your bitch friends?

The only good thing that came out of it was Az and Aly. They were my safe pills. I felt secure, that i'm doing the right thing most of the time by just conversing with them and not wasting my time instead. I liked being with them. I think i do. I'm so clouded by these prejudgements that i'm not even sure what my likes & dislikes are.
But i felt safe with them.

I need to find my own friends.

sob.