Captured images.

1. pixie lott's showcase (aizad, rash, zaf, me)

                                                   2. Singapore's USS. (family & rash)

                                                                    3. Genting

                                                   4. Class. Sociology. (is that mahi??)

                                                   5. Debate at UCTI (me, rash, rauf)

                                                        6. Me. shit i look fat. (50 kg)

                                                           7. Sab & I (kunang-kunang)

                                8. Cousins. Nurin wears a scarf now. I don't know if it's a trend.

                                                                9. Skyping with Juan




Just some of the stuff that i've went through. For future references.

Limitless.

OH SHIT. it's Mark Janssen's birthday! the pro. brb.

BB's stuck. SHIT. hang on. why's mom's sending my sister back on a saturday?  morning?

Anyway, hello. i went out yesterday for the first time ever since the weekend cause:

1) Dad lost the vios keys (maybe he found them earlier and hid them so i won't go out)

2) Whenever, wherever i wanted to go, he wanted to follow

3) decided to just stay home despite the holidays and not to mention i had a whole month of cramming up stress. Can you see what kind of dipshit situation i'm in? Will you not get insane?

Conclusion.

I love my dad but he has GOT to have limits. Control what he should not what he can. I'm fuggin 20. FUCKIN 20. i'm tired of living under his roof. Going by his cash.


I gotta figure a way out of this.




Asap.

Untitled.

Good Morning. 11.09 am here and i can't see the sun, that's very good news.

I hate my parents for being such hypocrites, especially mom for being the biggest backstabber known to mankind for telling off how proud she was of my sister for getting mofo-ing 3A's ..and a pass for her add maths. what. the. fuck. did she not acknowledge the fact that it wasn't any better than mine? and also, asked for my help to settle her education and i'm only doing it because i'm not mad at my sister for having such dumb-fucked parents who are obviously oblivious to the fact that others scored way higher than she did and their parents are menstrual about it. Don't make me start ranting about grandma.

Anyway, life's been..i don't know. i don't wanna complain about life because i have everything that i want. the only family i have right now is my cat and Him. If he's even willing to stay long enough to be part of my furniture. Even argued with Rai yesterday about not having kids and stuff, started off with her being all defensive about a nonexistant boyband (not exactly) that i made fun off. honestly, didn't think people like this existed anymore. I wouldn't gaf if Robert DJ were to be bashed up in front of me, he's human he's got flaws, they're human, they've got rights. FINE.
I don't want kids because of reasons. Mainly because i don't want them to become like me one day. i can't avoid that. They will hate me. Oh well not looking into that, don't know if i'll make it that far. i'm just so hell bent on proving to people that i'm a feminist and that i'm against the idea of having a family together, mainly to my parents. To let them feel the pain they put me through. i hope they do. I don't want to see that feeling of happiness on their faces one day for having grandchildren. Sorry imma have to drag his family down with me. i already told him to find someone else who's willing to have kids with him. But he doesn't want to, nothing i can do about that.

I'm selfish and absurd. Goodbye.

Chasing Pavements

Should i give up? or should i just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere


11.56 am on a Saturday morning.
And i'm discussing majors with iman and him.
Iman's changing to psychology. That leaves me, sofia, sarah, and sya.

Sigh,
if only life was easier like eating. Eat&digest. So simple. Making decisions is tough. Your decisions define who you are. Am i headed the right direction?
When i was lying down a couple of minutes ago, a random thought flashed across my mind. I'm doing politics to please him? Like to not seem dumb enough to want to opt for psychology. But if i hadn't met him, would i have taken political science as a choice anyway? Or would i have gone for psychology?
Oh, sabrina changed her major to political science too.
It is "dry&boring" according to iman.
But if you don't have an interest for it, yes everything is boring. Question is, have i develop an interest for it? i kind of do, it is interesting, it's a worldly matter i would want to know and understand what is being discussed in worldly matters and be involved to make my verdict in life as well.
"Keep your friends close, enemies closer" i need to know their mindset and other worldly issues to make my choices in the future. i Need to like this. People do it as a pastime. I do it as a major. Because i won't pay any attention to it if i were to do something else as a major. So people's pastimes as my major? Is it worth it?

So much grief in the start of a new year.

2012.

Hey.

oops, hang on. received 2 BBM's from Azwad A. and Him.

What should i rant about today? It's semester break for me. Finals was hell but i got through.
Went to S' party in USJ, Z thinks i'm "gedik" and made fun of my denim shorts. I think she's envious because i've started to blossom more than her and she can't be at par as to what i've become because she's fat. It's the truth. I need to start looking for new people in my life. Debaters maybe would be way over her level of understanding. I've been having thoughts about how my own best friend disses me by thinking she's super hot super tall and fashionable. and there i am like a walking dwarf next to her.

and i comfort myself by thinking:

a) I have an education and i know stuff way more than she does
b) i'm rich
c) i have a car
d) my bf's wikipedia
e) i can afford a lot of stuff which wld make her attire seem so last year
f) my bossoms are big and she's jealous of it

always have been, always will be. Wow, i'm actually insecure but with people like these, i can't help it. Plus, i keep looking up to Miranda Kerr i don't even know how to look like her.

Whatever it is, i've got my own goals;
1. keep my hair long and healthy like Miranda's
2. stretch so i can be taller
3. get skinnier arms
4. more clothes, ones that nobody can pull off cause they're either too fat or their bossoms are too small
5. Be a Hell of a smart gal.

Always hoping. xx

P.S, my grandpa's sick. hoping to see him tonight. oh god that CBN wannabe will be there. Bite me. Bye.

New Year

Little hey, little ho.

it's 11.46 pm here and it's almost a new year. quite frankly, i'm afraid of what this new year is going to bring me. i'll be in my 20's. god i feel old already. Hopefully not daddy's little girl anymore where i can say whatever i want and wear whatever i like without being self-conscious. baby steps.

i don't like topics about death. i don't want to think about it. i'm not running away from it i just don't like discussing about the "here-after" and i get so mad when people bring up about it. brother, tumblr and whatnot. it's not even funny to begin with. anyway, mom's got a new job in Penang and after my finals she's bringing me to stay there with her for a few days. i kind of am looking forward to that escape from Him. yeah. i know i'll miss em but the reason i wanted to go to singapore was to get away for a while. but he came along. i was glad, sure. but i needed time on my own as well. of course i had the choice to tell him not to follow but i'll feel bad for doing so. like how i'd like to spend time with my friends ( i think they still are since i've completely abandoned them for a more smarter choice = Him ) but end up bringing him along because i wouldn't wanna go all "i wonder what he's doing in the dorm" and stuff.

I didn't make any resolutions for 2012. but i did like that one tweet that i retweeted.

"Resolutions: to make a resolution for next year"

i don't know why i liked this so much. i think because it makes sense. anyway, bought two dvd's with dad just now. Beastly and One Day. i should study instead of watching movies i have all the time in the world for that after finals in penang. For now that's it.

P.S! i think i have a crush on His mate, J. omg lol i feel like such a school girl. met him during the carnival. he thinks i'm cute ;)

From FB;

• • [] I've had a crush on you
    [x] I like your profile picture
    [x] You're cute
    [x] You're a stranger & that needs to change
    [♪] We need to talk more
    [♪] You're funny
    [] I love you
    [] I miss you
    [♪] We should chill
    [] You've made me mad
    [♪] You make me smile
    [] I would hug you
    [] I strongly dislike you
    [] I have no clue who you are
    [♪] I dare you to put this as your status so I can like it

20th December 2011

I don't know who he was, only talked to him once via Facebook chat, but his death moved me in a way that it was so unexpected i ALMOST cried. 

Revealing his name would give away who i am so at this point i'll just refer to him as "SS" 

He was 18. It was 3 am in the morning and he was driving. He crashed. 

I don't know how it happened, but it affected me more than it should. 

So young. He was only a teen. Studying still.